Today I wanted something so I decided that I would take it. I didn’t tell myself that I didn’t deserve it (yet,) or that once I finish A, I may have B. I just decided that I would take it, and I wouldn’t do anything else (not even the “most important things that need my attention immediately”) until I did everything -within the limits of my control- to obtain it.
Since basically forever, I’ve utiized a reward-based system for myself. I don’t allow myself to do the things I would like until the things that I don’t like so much are done. I don’t see my friends if I have laundry to do. I don’t paint unless the dishes are done. It’s hard for me to realize that laundry and dishes will always be ever-present, and sometimes they can wait until later. “laundry” and “dishes” are figurative and literal occurrences that I use to maintain perceived control in my life. Every once in a while though, I understand that those things control me, and not the other way around.